Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
