That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Congratulations! We have a period
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