I looked at my own cervix.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
