The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
