I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
