Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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