We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
