I'm lost and stupid without you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Alive.
So much puke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
