Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize