He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
