Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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