just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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