YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
