i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize