i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
