Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
