She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
