i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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