someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
