how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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