I cannot find my penis.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
