the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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