i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
True college students do jello shots in the library
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
