Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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