Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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