I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize