I faked an abortion last night.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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