i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
