Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
