wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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