I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
