i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
