I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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