If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
