so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
