I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
