Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
