Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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