My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
