$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
