She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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