Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
