why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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