So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
