Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
