And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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