i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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