just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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