she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
