You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
