you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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