Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
