Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
