I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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