He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
