Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
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How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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