ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
