My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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