This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
