I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
